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My husband thinks it’s my job to take care of our baby?

I have to ask for his help and half the time he says no. Like, will you change her diaper or will you feed her or will you put her to bed. He promised me he would put her to bed tonight and he is out “with the guys.” He wasn’t like this before we had a kid. Why is he pushing me into this traditional gender role? Did anyone else have a modern relationship that suddenly switched into some old timey thing? What can I do?

10 Responses to “My husband thinks it’s my job to take care of our baby?”

  • Common sense isn't anymore..:

    You can insist on marriage counseling and parenting classes if he doesn’t want a divorce.

  • Steph:

    No he is wrong. It is his child to and he should be helping out.

  • Mi♥:

    What can you do is right……
    this should have been discussed ‘pre-baby’…no…’pre-marriage’!

    Now it is your job and you don’t just have one baby…you have two!

  • punchbuggy:

    He’s running away from something – responsibility, maturity, accountability.
    He doesn’t want to grow up.
    He does need counseling and then you need couple’s counseling.

  • Jo:

    Tell him there will be no more kids if he does not help. He’ll know what that means. He’ll be cut off.

  • Peanut Butter:

    Oh yea. Then as the kids grew, it was me going alone to the PTA meetings, the parents night at school, the singing programs for my children all alone. Later it was me, who filled out all the necessary forms for high school, then later college. It was me who moved both of them into their dorm rooms and cried like a baby all the way home. It was me who did all this alone. It was me who cooked all the meals and changed all the diapers, cleaned the house, cut the 6 acre lawn, kept the clothes cleaned, worked 40 hours a week, sat with the sick children and rushed them around like lighening to get them to ball games.. all alone. Now they are grown and gone, still in the same house looking after his mother. I do not begrudge doing any of these things for my children. I am old and very tired but still doing 100 percent of the house duties as well as yard maintenance. He still sits on the couch awaiting for me to “bring him his dinner” (literally) So my suggestion to you, stop this before you turn into me. Talk to him and tell him that you NEED HELP. Dont think for a minute he will change and provide you with some help from time to time unless you make him aware of what you are doing for him and the kid. Tell him how you feel.

  • Marilyn:

    how could he be like that BEFORE you had a kid?
    just do it, stop trying to train him

  • ?:

    Keep trying to make him involved. That was my mistake. I did all the work and I mean all of it with our kids. And it wasn’t fair then and still isn’t fair to women today.

    It was more acceptable in my generation but it didn’t mean we weren’t resentful of it.

    Keep making him get involved, write out a schedule of things if your have to. Don’t let him get away with shirking this very big responsibility.

  • wmayers99:

    Please don’t tell us you didn’t consider this possibility before deciding to have a child!

  • Liz:

    You can give him a choice: Marriage counselling for the both of you or a divorce lawyer for each of you.

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